Frustrations

I'm going through a serious period of frustration. I know it will pass and that things are happening for the right reasons, but I'm stuck.

I went through a time similar to this when I was in Indianapolis. James and I were engaged already, I hated my boss (literally I still have nightmares about how horrible he was), and was just waiting for my 3 year mark at my company so I would be completely vested in my 401k. At that point I could move down to Jax to be with James, set a wedding date, start a new career, and just be with the man I loved rather than see him once or twice a month. I filled my days with work, searching for a new job, and just dealing with what I had been dealt at this moment in time.

I started wishing my life away. 

If I could just blink my eyes and it would be fall, I would be happy.

I knew I shouldn't feel that way, but I felt stuck. Waiting for my real life to begin.

But I would have missed so many wonderful things if life had really jumped. 

I would have missed learning that my favorite thing in the world is a Friday night spent sitting on my couch alone, in a clean apartment with 30 million candles lit, drinking wine while watching truly terrible DVR'd shows.

I would have missed on my friendship with Carol who I only got to know through bonding over a shared bad work experience.

I would have missed out on learning who I am as an adult, managing my own money and living alone.

I would have missed out on learning a city and discovering my love of crafts and thrift stores.

Now I'm back in the place of wanting the next year to fly by. To a time when I won't have to work 11+ hr days because my sales business will be built. To when I will be out of this horrible, old, small apartment with not enough storage. To when James and I can actually go on a honeymoon. To when our money situation won't be as tight saving for a wedding AND a house.

But what will I miss if I could jump ahead?

My first year of married life.

Developing the friendships of people I've just met.

Helping grow a young professional group from scratch.

My first time on an exec board of an organization.

A time before my responsibilities include lawn maintenance and home repair.

And many things that I don't know about that are in store for me.

So I'm going to keep on going and trying to enjoy life as it happens and remember that I'll look back on this time as special.

But that doesn't always mean I won't sometimes dream of just being in my own house with time to craft and cook.

Airspace- A New Rule

Everyone knows space on a plane or any form of public transportation is limited. This is not a new concept.

And usually the unspoken rule on a plane is that the middle seat gets the arm rests.

But apparently I missed the memo that women were exempt from that rule.

via 

Dudes, I get it. You think your "package" is just soooooooooooooooooo big that you think you need to spread your legs apart as far as possible in order to not smoosh the crown jewels.

You think that is fine because women are taught to take up as little space as possible.

via

However

I'm a 5'10" woman. I also need room for my knees and if you are going to spread your legs to the point that your leg touches mine the WHOLE 3 HR FLIGHT... you best give me the arm rests.

The "gentleman" next to me this weekend decided I didn't deserve the whole armrest (he gave me half). And by gave, I mean I elbowed his arm out of the way until I could take at least half. And at that point, I stopped pushing because my entire right side of my body was touching his.

ew.

So new rule.

 If your package is "too big" to confine your legs to your seat area, my boobs (which take up more sq in than your crotch) demand my arms and elbows take over the entire upper seated area.

It is only fair.

Non compliance will result in me explaining (in length) any relationship issues, frenemy stories, or knitting patterns that I so choose. Further non compliance will result in graphic detail of any womanly issue I feel like discussing (e.g. periods, UTIs, birth, etc) until you are the appropriate distance away from me.

Just try me.

Oh, and have a nice flight.

How is it Monday Already? And Why Do I Look Like I'm 50?

My life seems to be on warp speed lately. My days fly by without me getting half the work done I feel I need (this is a good thing... I think) and nights are filled with events and meetings. I'm exhausted... which is why I catch up on sleep on the weekend.

And all this means no blogging or crafting :(   If this is your time waster at work, I apologize for leaving you hanging lately.

So with all that said, all this work is giving me the worst dark under eye circles and puffiness. I catch my reflection in the mirror and I look like I did in college after an all night-er booze fest. Or like I partied with Sarah and Becky in Chicago. Which is basically the same thing. Is it my fault that the Hangge Uppe is dark and you lose all track of time and suddenly it is 6 am?

So thankfully my handy list of blogs I follow has some advice:

Not sure how badly I want to try this, but "Twelve Crafts till Christmas" suggests grated potatoes and unsweetened applesauce.

Then Classy Cosmetics had a whole post on concealer for eye circles. Loving Benefit as much as I do, I think a stop off at Sephora is in my immediate future.

Hopefully this week I'll be able to take some me time and make some jewelry... if I have the energy.

Today Has Been Strange

Professionally today was wonderful. I had one of those charmed days where meeting to meeting things just aligned and I felt like I could kick some serious butt. I felt invincible.

And then I got a call from my little brother. My little brother, who is 22 and 6'3", was robbed at gun point tonight. Thankfully they only took some cash and his phone and nothing worse happened.

But all I want to do is jump on a plane and watch really horrible 80's movies with him and eat really horrible junk food and hug him tightly.

Sometimes being really far away from family bites the big one. 

Out with the Old, In with the New

In the past (good old Xanga), I would recap the last year month by month talking about the highlights and tough times I encountered.

This year I'm not.

Instead I'm going to just going to celebrate the difficult life changes and decisions I made it through in order to finally feel like an adult and get my life to a healthy place. This year was not the most difficult period of my life, but it was a long, tiring year that has brought me to a much better place in my life. I think it is important to acknowledge the hurdles in life and be thankful for the opportunities we have to grow from them. If this post seems depressing, it isn't meant to be. This year finally forced me to grow into a responsible person and that is something for which I will always be extremely grateful.

*The biggest, most challenging part of my year came from my work life. Last year at this time, I transitioned from my entry level position into holding my own territory in a large corporation. It was at this point I had a new manager who turned into what I hope will be the worst boss I will ever encounter in my career. He was sexist, a micro manager, and determined to have me quit/ be fired. It took me a long time, filing two HR grievances, counseling (thank you major corporation health insurance), and lots of talks with friends to realize that sometimes there is nothing you can do, some people will just not like you and you can't change that. I spent many months in fear of being fired after I learned that he had started a file cataloging every mistake I ever made (from day 1!!! Before I even had time to ever slight him in any way) and started using HR speak to "discipline me" with the door open in his office to make sure that every employee heard him. It took me 8 months before I was ready to really start looking for a new job.

This experience thought me two important lessons, the first being that companies look out for the company's interests and not for the employee's interests. I was incredibly naive and came into my first real job believing the opposite. This was a great lesson because it has taught me to look at situations objectively and identify what I want rather than what my sense of loyalty tells me I should do. 

The second lesson was that removing yourself from a bad situation isn't giving up, it is making a healthy decision for you. Giving up is staying in a situation, because change is scary. Even the worst situation is bearable if you know what to expect, the unknown is scary and takes courage to find out.

I changed careers, learned a new skill (sales!) and I started managing my career rather than having someone manage it for me. So I go into a new year in a better place in my professional life (yay!!!).

*Second major life change was moving states and moving in with James. If you have done either you know what a huge change that is. I'm still learning from this experience, but wow... patience was a virtue I'm getting to know quite well!

*Creating a budget was a lesson I learned last January and has forced me to manage my financial life rather than blindly guessing what I should do. This came incredibly helpful when it came time to move because I actually had savings to dip into instead of racking up credit card debt. It also helps when taking a major pay cut as I spend time building a book of business to earn commission.... not to mention wedding planning. Also the purchases I do make mean more to me than spending money whenever I feel like it.

*This year also made me grow up and learn to take care of others. Because my grandfather lives here in Florida, I have had to step up and help my family through the process of my grandmother dying and helping my grandfather. It has been difficult, but I am incredibly lucky that I have the means and ability to be there. My grandfather is such an amazing guy who has had a very difficult life and this time I spend with him is a blessing. I learned that the relationship I want to model my own after is the love that my grandparents had. Even in the darkest hours, my grandfather was there and willing do everything in his power to make my grandma happy. I look forward to growing my relationship with my grandfather even more in the next year.

This next year will be a major year for me and I have a feeling it is going to be amazing. I'm getting married(!!!), continuing to grow professionally, and saving for a down payment for a house. I'll be meeting new friends, learning a new city, and growing a strong foundation for my life with James. I wouldn't be ready to do any of these things if I hadn't experienced 2010. Which is why I am able to say I am grateful for these experiences.

Happy New Year Everyone

via Craftily Ever After

 

Our First Christmas Alone

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Azurea

This year James and I couldn't afford to fly home to be with our families and even if we could,  I didn't have vacation days.

But this Christmas is turning into a wonderful, relaxing holiday.

My family tradition is to have Swiss style cheese fondue every year on Christmas Eve and I want to continue that tradition. So I bought my first fondue set and James and I had a romantic, quiet dinner. James even gave up his P90x diet in order to enjoy dinner.

James gave me my gift when I woke up (after a fun scavenger hunt through the apartment) and I got my toaster/egg cooker machine! Plus he had bought eggs, english muffins, cheese, and champagne for me to make my breakfast!

I gave him his presents at dinner. 

Afterwards we watched Christmas Vacation and relaxed on the couch. While we aren't with family, it was really nice.

Tonight we have a really nice, expensive dinner at Azurea the restaurant at One Ocean Hotel and Resort. I'm excited to get dressed up and not cook!

I hope everyone's Christmas is wonderful where ever they are.

Oh... and it's 67 degrees here right now :) 

Happy Birthday James

Happy Birthday Baby, you do look like a monkey (and smell like one too)... but I still love you.

Sleepless Nights Equals Two Posts

I'm having trouble falling asleep tonight. Sleep issues aren't new to me, but tonight's issues are related to:

1. "Working Out" right before bed. I am completely claiming packing as working out because of the heavy lifting... well just give it to me because I had an elevated heart rate. I am about as far from a gym rat as can be right now, because of how hard is it to make yourself go to the gym when you are working on your lap top from your bed. I guess I'l actually have to go when I live in Florida. Anyways packing up to 30 min from bedtime didn't help falling asleep.
2. My type A-ness is freaking out because they (the movers) didn't give me a window of time of when the movers will arrive. All I got was "it will probably be in the AM. The driver will call you." I want a window of time even if it is a cable company window of 10 am - 6 pm! So I'll be anxious until I get the phone call even though I have nowhere to be tomorrow except here.
3. I read a really moving blog today and I can't stop thinking about it. CNN had an article back in April I just now read about terminally ill bloggers blogging about death. One of the highlighted writers was Eva Markvoort who blogged for almost 4 years about her struggles with Cystic Fibrosis, her double lung transplant, life after the transplant, and then her body's rejection of the lungs. She died March 27 of this year at age 25. I can't even put into words how heartbreaking it was to see her get well after her transplant and then see her decline, already knowing the outcome. What grabbed me the most was what she accomplished in her 25 years. She became an advocate for organ donation (are you a registered organ donor?), was the subject of a documentary, and pushed herself to competing in dragonboating and charity walkathons. This woman was the same age I am now and that, of course, resonated with me and lead me to think about the goals I want to set for myself.

So... here is the beginning of my list of goals I want to achieve in the next 4.5 yrs (by my 30th birthday).

Liz's Awesome List of Awesome Things to do Before Thirty (which is not old)

1. Get married. - Basically I just have to plan the sucker. James already committed and now it is up to me to get the ball rolling again.
2. Buy a house.
3. Get a puppy. - James talked me into waiting until we have a house or this would be off the list, like, tomorrow.
4. Be in a career that makes me happy. - Hopefully this new job/company allows me to cross this off the list!
5. Run a 5k. - See above about what an accomplishment this would be.
6. Travel to another continent that isn't Europe.
7. Knit a full sweater... that I can actually wear out of the house.
8. Really learn how to cook.
9. Become conversational again in German or French.
10. Become handy. - My grandfather was amazing at woodworking and had his own workshop in the basement that was bigger than any bedroom I've ever had. I really want to learn how to build and fix things since my first instinct has always been to call someone. Maybe not to my grandfather's level, but I at least want to be able to do simple projects.
11. Become a skilled photographer. - Meaning I know the technical theory behind all manual settings. I can't guarantee I'll be a good photographer.
12. See the Northeast during peak fall foliage time. - Yes, I know that makes me old, but I bet New England would be perfect for wearing that sweater I plan on knitting. :)
13. Driving all of Route 66. - Preferably with a female friend. Sarah, you in?
14. Not have kids. - I don't want to start having kids until I'm 30. I want time to enjoy being young and being married (see #1) before my life changes that dramatically. So goal is to stay childless.
15. Start donating more time and money to worthy charities. -I have been so blessed to be healthy and able to focus on dreams like travel that I want to make sure I don't take it for granted.
16. Floss every day.

Obviously this list will have more items added in the future, but it's a start.

I hope that everyone who visits this post checks out her blog. Sometimes we need a reminder to stay strong during our own battles and to keep fighting. But even if you don't read it, please become organ donors.

**Edit**

Does anyone know how to fix it in html so the numbers aren't cut off?

Sometimes We Forget

Today I was having one of those days where nothing was going right. During every phone call I was on I'd receive two more beeping in, I got none of the things on my to do list accomplished, and had several really un-fun phone calls with a customer about money... Did I mention that there was also a language barrier with that customer? I also spent two really unproductive phone calls with my insurance company getting information that I could have just have gotten from my dad. Basically, it was just a day that frustrates and tires someone out.

It's easy to get in a downward spiral when we have these type of days. You let these bad moments cloud your overall perception of life and view every additional event in a negative light. I know this a really bad habit of mine, so I've decided to take a minute and remember how really lucky I am.

I have a family that is really close (my bro and me at my college graduation)

I'm alive and healthy even after two serious car accidents (my first Acura after a semi ran me off the road)

I've been given the opportunity to travel and see parts of the world others don't (The Chateau where I studied abroad in Lux)

I've had amazing friendships that have lasted the post college-out of state trials (me and Sarah NYE '07; Miss Becky looking HOTT...me not)

Aaaand I get to marry this:

And lastly, I've matured greatly since my freshman year of college. I know this should be a given, but I don't think everyone does. So I'll end this post with a whiney Freshman year Xanga post. Present day edits in green.

Ok guys I know it's been awhile but it has been crazy busy here. You are a freshman, taking easy classes... doubtful. I spent 9-4 doing nothing but sitting in class or in Shriver doing homework.. Oh my poor dear, my 60 hr work week heart bleeds for you. You had to sit in class?? I think my head is gonna explode.. kinda like my car's engine.. make that my first car.. as in ex-car . Actually that does suck. SOOO I am currently carless. Yay b/c am I finally going to get a cooler car? nope. I'm getting another POS that I have to share with my brother. Actually I think my dad just ended up buying a new engine, so I didn't have to pay for an engine or car which is cool. Well I have to go finish my napoleon research, read 20 pg's for my calc theory paper, and read 50 pages in MBI. Gotta love school. Actually that sounds like an easy day, can I have that work?

Six Years Ago I Was a Huge Dork

My dad sent me an email earlier this week asking me if I knew my old Xanga account was still active. No I did not. I'm not sure how he found it, because through the job searching phase I repeatedly googled myself and never came across it. This was also distressing because my dad probably shouldn't be reading the posts on there. College Freshman-Juniors are idiots and say stupid things. If you are in college, I apologize, but in 6 years you will be horrified/very amused at the things you thought/did (I'm sure this will still be the case in another 6 years). Also, never start what amounts to be a public diary. No one needs to know about the fight you had with your roommate/boyfriend. Get a notebook or at least a word doc and write in there.

Anyways, I was looking through it today and I found a post from 6 years ago, Labor Day, Monday, September 6, 2004. Besides the fact I was excited that the dates lined up, I thought I'd share it because the post is relatively tame and relates a moment in time that I will always look back fondly on.

So I leave you with a post from my college sophomore year, visiting my parents at their boat on Lake Erie. Names have been changed and my edits are in green.

Monday, 06 September 2004

• Currently Watching Seven - New Line Platinum Series <--- Still an awesome movie By Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, Kevin Spacey see related

definition: Labor Day weekend- noun- The first three day weekend of the school year when you spend every minute drunk off your a** remembering why summer is soo awesome. Yeah, Labor Day wasn't the only time you spent drunk in college.

Went to the lake for the weekend and had an amazing time. Saw my lake friend Bobby who I haven;t seen in like (count the 'likes' in the post. It's sad) 2 yrs and too much time had gone by. Had an amazing dinner Saturday at the Sandusky Yacht Club as usual with their all you can eat seafood buffet. Then went back to the boat and watched tv with my brother who I really haven't hung out with enough lately. Sunday my godparents came up to the lake and we had a fabulous 4 hr sail and came back to our dock party that was a pirate themed with a huge table of food. Sally my roommate came to visit me because we had gone 48-hrs without seeing each other and as pathetic as it was.. we really wanted to hang out again. Most of the semester we didn't speak, so enjoy that while it lasts Past Liz. So we ran some errands and then Sally, Bobby and I went to get some beer and went and sat on the pier and talk. We sat out there forever and just had a great time catching up. Then Sally got really tired so we decided to drop Sally off and then Bobby and I would stay up and talk some more. Well I stop off to use the bathroom and I left the magnetic swipe card in the bathroom. The marina had everything locked and only accessible by this swipe card. It was 1 am and no one was around. We needed a swip card to get into the marina and we needed a swipe to get back into the restroom. Soo being my fault i decided that I would get us out of trouble. Sally and Bobby hoisted my drunk ass over the d*** 6 1/2 ft fence with spikes on top and I like killed myself on the way down. I left (or let) them in and drop(ped) Sally off at my boat and then Bobby and I finished off the 12 pack, talked, and called it a night. This morning I woke up with a huge a** bruise on my arm and my leg. Plus I have a sunburn and sun poisoning!! But all in all the weekend was sweet and I had a great time. Past Liz apparently didn't believe in editing.

I'm thinking about keeping up Xanga, at least for now, until I take the time to copy the whole thing to a word document or back it up somehow. I want to save it to embarrass my future kids, but also reading the other posts reminded me that every stage of life has its problems and this too shall pass.

And So It Begins

You know the old saying, "This is the first day of the rest of your life"? Well today was more like the last day of my old life. I finally gave my company my two weeks notice. I have been thinking about this day for the last two and a half years, it finally happened... and like many things in life it wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it would be. For one thing, I still have to work for 9 more days (yay Labor Day!) But secondly, now I actually have to pack and move.

But in the meantime, Miss Sarah is coming to visit this weekend and I can't wait to take her to Petite Chou in Carmel. I can't believe it has taken me my entire time in Indy to find this place but I am obsessed. Seriously my goal in the next two weeks is drink my way through the entire champagne cocktail menu. Classy goal, eh?