Catch Up

One thing I've learned about myself in the last year is that crafting while working full time and planning a wedding is hard. I'll begin a project for a major holiday, get busy, and then finish (or almost finish) the project after the holiday is gone.

Then it seems pointless to post the project and I feel defeated. Feeling defeated is not good for starting another project.

My other problem is that even when I finish a project, like my canvas art project for my office, I don't want to spend another hour, staying till 8 PM in my office hanging everything. (The canvases have been sitting in my office for over TWO WEEKS!)

So what is a girl to do?

Glad you asked.

I'm going to start crafting for holidays MONTHS in advance. Crazy you say? How can you can start Halloween decorations before Labor Day? How can you start Christmas decorations when you haven't even begun decorating for Halloween?

Easy. I'm just going to do it. And then I'm going to put it up on here and you'll just have to deal with it. Hopefully it will inspire others to make my craft their own and still have time to do it before the holiday.

So that's the game plan.

Let's see if I can do this.

And James, please remember:

Wedding Competition

Something you don't realize until you are engaged is that the majority of fellow soon-to-be brides want to make everything a competition.

Oh, you are making your own wedding decorations? My wedding decorations are made from a secret Peruvian handcraft that I learned from an 84 year old man while I volunteered in the Peace Corp. But I'm sure your Dollar Tree crafts will be pretty.

Oh, you are having your cake made at Publix? My cake is being made by a blind, mute genius who only makes one cake a year and my cake will be the last cake he ever makes. But I'm sure your grocery store cake will be nice too.

Oh, you got your dress at a sample sale? My dress is being made by magical mice and birds that appear when I sing. But I'm sure your dress that other people have tried will clean up well too.

Yes, I am exaggerating a bit, but still... it happens.

But last weekend, I had the bitchiest, competitive comment I have ever heard. I didn't even have a reply.

At a friend's wedding, James and I were sitting at a table with fellow Miami grads. We were seated next to a guy I knew and his fiancee that I had just met that day. She and I were discussing the difference between shopping for a wedding dress and shopping for bridesmaid dresses. Long story short, I mentioned that I brought two bridesmaids shopping because all my bridesmaids have very different coloring and builds.

And her reply:

"Oh, I only took my maid of honor because all my bridesmaids are thin and hot. Aren't all my bridesmaids hot, Baby?"

She literally told me that dresses weren't a problem, because her bridesmaids were all hot.

Subtext for those of you who haven't watched Mean Girls in awhile:
1. Your friends are ugly.
2. Your friends are all fat.
3. I'm superior.
4. I also just made a friend of yours agree my friends are hotter.

And I stopped talking to her for the night.

Because how stupid is she?

Christina Hendricks is hot. She is 5'7" ish.

Olivia Wilde is hot. She is 5'7" ish.

Kristen Bell is hot. She is 5'1".

All three women are conventionally beautiful, hollywood women. But all three women have different coloring and body shapes (even though they are all thin).

Unless you are Hugh Hefner, the women around you will look different.

So stop putting other women down to make yourself feel better and get some self confidence.

/rant

Airspace- A New Rule

Everyone knows space on a plane or any form of public transportation is limited. This is not a new concept.

And usually the unspoken rule on a plane is that the middle seat gets the arm rests.

But apparently I missed the memo that women were exempt from that rule.

via 

Dudes, I get it. You think your "package" is just soooooooooooooooooo big that you think you need to spread your legs apart as far as possible in order to not smoosh the crown jewels.

You think that is fine because women are taught to take up as little space as possible.

via

However

I'm a 5'10" woman. I also need room for my knees and if you are going to spread your legs to the point that your leg touches mine the WHOLE 3 HR FLIGHT... you best give me the arm rests.

The "gentleman" next to me this weekend decided I didn't deserve the whole armrest (he gave me half). And by gave, I mean I elbowed his arm out of the way until I could take at least half. And at that point, I stopped pushing because my entire right side of my body was touching his.

ew.

So new rule.

 If your package is "too big" to confine your legs to your seat area, my boobs (which take up more sq in than your crotch) demand my arms and elbows take over the entire upper seated area.

It is only fair.

Non compliance will result in me explaining (in length) any relationship issues, frenemy stories, or knitting patterns that I so choose. Further non compliance will result in graphic detail of any womanly issue I feel like discussing (e.g. periods, UTIs, birth, etc) until you are the appropriate distance away from me.

Just try me.

Oh, and have a nice flight.

Things I Could Be Doing Right Now

I'm tired, but I can't fall asleep. I was being all super productive working on a piece of art for the house/office (not sure where yet) and James walks out of the bedroom. Now first of all, James is that guy who literally puts his head on the pillow and is fast asleep. Pisses. me. off. But for whatever reason, James couldn't sleep so he asks me to come to bed. This was 9:30 so I figured, sure why not try to go to bed?


Only I can't fall asleep.


Three episodes of Arrested Development later and I realize "I've made a huge mistake" or really I'm just not tired enough to fall asleep. So I get up and head to the living room to wait until I'm tired like all the books say. But now I'm tired enough to do nothing productive, but not tired enough to go to sleep.


So I decided to torture myself with what I COULD be doing instead of updating my blog.

1. Finishing my wall art.

2. Vacuum the living room.

3. Go grocery shopping at the 24 hr Walmart.

4. Painting my toe nails.

5. Laundry.

6. Pricing quotes for work.

7. Updating my resume, writing the essay, and finishing the paper work for ImpactJax mentor program (resume is for the program.)

8. Reading literary classics

9. Reading a crappy chick lit book

10. Reading a magazine.

11. Organizing my computer bookmarks.

12. Uploading photos from my camera to write a craft post.

13. Writing a craft post and saving it until I have the photos ready.

14. Writing my family.

15. Writing letters to Congress telling them to stop trying to take women's rights away.

16. Writing Congress telling them to stop writing stupid bills that won't pass just to appease their base and start instead get stuff done that is needed but doesn't make a good commercial/ news piece.

And now I have tired myself out and hopefully can get some sleep.


Also in general James and I have made some amazing progress in wedding planning. Just need a DJ and we can take a break from planning for about a month. YAY!!!

And because posts are boring without photos...

I took that five years ago (March 27, 2006) while in Antibes, France (South of France next to Cannes).

Eze Village, France same weekend

World Famous rocky beach in Nice, France

I seriously have the travel bug again.

Progression of My Work Attire

First Real Internship Interview

via 

"Please hire me. I am energetic, own the same black suit from Express every other Junior owns, and wear my hair up so you'll take me seriously."

First Few Weeks at Internship

via 

"I'm still dress blandly enough that my clothes and hair won't make a statement, but my accessories show I take pride in what I wear."

After I Realized I Did Nothing But Drive Really Long Distances to Take Photos of Gas Stations

"Basketball shorts, t-shirts, and flip flops rule. My boss won't see this because Facebook is not yet popular enough that adults actually have accounts."

First Real Job (same company)

"If I just buy lots of button down shirts and neutral pants, I can always get dressed based on what is actually clean and not worry if it matches."

After I Realize My Customers Wear Carhartts and Jeans

via

"Polo shirts don't need ironed. Also doing my hair is overrated."

After I Realize I Work From Home

via

"I woke up at 6 am to start answering emails from my psycho boss and since it is now 6 pm, why bother changing now?"

First Two Months in New Sales Job (Current Company)

via

"You should take me seriously because my shoes, awesome suit dress, and kick ass jewelry mean business."

After I Realize I Can Wear Jeans to the Office on Days Other Than Friday

via

"Maybe if I wear a bracelet and necklace you won't notice I haven't worn anything other than jeans and ballet flats for two months now."

Now

via

"Try taking away my rotation of three draped sweaters, t-shirts, and jeans away from me and I will cut you. I am not kidding. Just try. Also doing your hair is for losers."

Once It Hits 95 Degrees Every Day

 I have no idea how I am going to cope.

Fin.

Train of Thought- An Exercise in Tiredness

I need a house elf to come clean my place, do my laundry, and go to the grocery store.

OMG I want the gold tree on "Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen".

Has anyone watched Watch What Happens? It's like a high school girl... on coke... on myspace with better guests. How is this a show?

Why am I still watching this?

Iman's hair looks exactly like Barbie's hair. Only brown... so Barbie's friend Courtney? Is that right?

Twitter does not know me. It keeps suggesting I follow Ashley Tisdale and Mitt Romney.

Commercials keep getting better music. I'm obsessed with the "Snow Day" Starbucks commercial (Matt Pond PA) and the Advil commercial with the different faces (Chugjug by Family of the Year). Picking music for movies and commercials would be an amazing job, but incredibly stressful.

Ad Tunes is amazing.

Celebrity voiceovers on commercials just distract me from what the ad was really about. Does it actually increase sales?

Florida is literally freezing and it still doesn't feel like Christmas. I miss snow.

I totally want Bailey's and hot chocolate. This may be the only time in my life I can buy Bailey's and James won't finish it in two days.

P90x sounds awful... but wedding dress shopping is only second to swimsuit shopping in making you want to change your entire body. Plus can't have James look better than me :)

Andy's tree is so much better than the one I found online. If someone wants to buy me a metallic gold tree I'd love them forever.

And on that note I'm going to bed. Big day of delivering cookies and pitching prospects.

Lotsa Random

I haven't posted for awhile because my camera battery has died. And I can't find my charger. And I have more boxes to unpack. And I have laundry to do... and I really have no excuses. I slacked... sorry. I also have no excuse for the non-sequiturs that will follow. Please, if you know what's good for you, stop reading. There is no point to this post.

But in exciting news, I have my first "follower". Thank you Mike!

I actually got to craft Friday night and hopefully soon I'll have photos up of it. It turned out so much better than I hoped. It's a Halloween wreath.

Congrats to Amuse Bouche for her making it into the top 100. While she didn't make it onto the next round, she did amazing for being such a new blogger.

I've decided that absolutely anyone can release a hit single. Thank you autotune. Exhibit A : Willow Smith. Yes... Will Smith's daughter. Check out "Whip My Hair." Seriously. You'll probably be singing along in the car before you know it. It will be in your iTunes playlist right after "Bedroom Intruder" and "Don't Be Tardy for the Party."

So I haven't watched the Real Housewives franchises... until the other night. Holy cow. If those are the people you have to hang out with when you become fabulously wealthy... no thank you.

I'm obsessed with the Android app Grocery IQ. It sorts my list, finds me coupons, and... when you use up something, you just scan the barcode and it adds it to your list for you!!! I was out of Target in record time.

I bought fixings for green monster smoothies. My goal is to replace my morning caffeine with a healthy energy shake. I will probably gross out everyone in the office with my shake, but hey I'll be so much healthier. I even bought the hippie additives ground flax seed and chlorella.

I can't wait for election season to be over.

Are you still here reading? Why? What's wrong with you?